When demotivating sayings are not enough
Why some attentions should be left out.
There are many ways to say “thank you” to an employee.
And then there are these 10 here.
Every year, just in time for the Christmas party, "Appreciation Day" (aka we-need-a-good-mood-in-the-office-day), or a company anniversary, bosses and HR departments desperately scratch the surface of appreciation . The result is gifts that often say more than any speech – namely: "We didn't feel like it, but we had to do something."
If you've ever wondered whether your employer really understands you, this list will give you the answer.
1. The “Teamwork makes the dream work” coffee mug
A white mug with comic lettering and a clip art of three people holding hands. Ironically, this mug usually sits on the desk of the colleague who writes passive-aggressive emails at every opportunity.
Message: “You are not an individual – you are part of a PowerPoint slide.”
2. A calendar with motivational quotes
A new blow every month.
January: “Success begins with you!”
February: “Failure is only the first step to victory!”
March: Burnout.
Message: “If you’re not motivated, it’s your fault.”
3. A fruit basket for the whole office
One banana (bruised), two apples (mealy), and one kiwi (unidentifiable). Delivered when 80% of the staff are working from home. The last three on site then have to fight over the leftovers.
Message: “Health is important to us – as long as it doesn’t cost anything.”
4. An Amazon voucher worth 5 euros
A classic. Usually presented with a phrase like, "Just a small token of appreciation."
Yes, very small.
Almost enough for a charging cable – but not for one that works.
Message: “Your work is worth about as much to us as a kebab.”
5. A personalized ballpoint pen
With your name on it. In cursive. In gold. Works for three weeks, then an ink crisis.
By the way, the pen is exactly the same one that is available free of charge in the foyer of the local savings bank.
Message: "We see you. But not enough to give you something useful."
6. The wellness voucher with absurdly limited validity
You're proudly handed it, but when you redeem it, it says: "Only on Tuesdays between 8:00 and 8:17 a.m. – and only during a full moon."
Please schedule appointments yourself. Please speak directly with your boss. And ideally, schedule them during your vacation.
Message: “Do something good for yourself – but please not if it bothers us in any way.”
7. The sustainable notepad made from recycled coffee grounds
Feels like a damp beer mat, smells like tired office dreariness.
A sticker also reads: “We take responsibility.”
But beware if you ask about working from home.
Message: "We're doing something for the climate. You can start cycling."
8. The company sweater in mouse grey – in one size
It's been around since 2013. The seams are slowly coming apart. Size XL doesn't fit anyone , but that doesn't matter—it's only meant for the next team event anyway. Do you wear it voluntarily? Of course not.
Message: "Individuality is for others. Here, you are employee number 08342."
9. The automated “thank you” email from the CEO
No greeting. No name. No feeling.
But with an appendix: the new works agreement on working time recording.
Subject: “Appreciation is important to us.”
Message: "Thank you. But please also read paragraph 14.3.1 on break regulations."
10. A book about mindfulness
Title: “There is strength in calmness.”
Irony: You get it right in the middle of the hot quarterly closing phase.
You read the first three pages on the subway – then an email saying “Urgent, please by 2 p.m. today” breaks you out of your center.
Message: "Take care of yourself. But don't miss any deadlines."
Conclusion:
We're not ungrateful. Really, we aren't.
But there is a world of difference between genuine thanks and trying to “reward” us for our time and energy with stock photos, sayings, and office supplies .
If you want to motivate, you should perhaps ask:
“What do you need to feel seen?”
The answer will not be “mousepad with logo.”
ZERO potential – For all who know:
Appreciation begins where the bullshit ends.